A Lifetime of Avoidance by Harcourt Tendhall
2 December 2020 { Young Adult }
I’ve been putting it off for months. In fact, if the truth be told, I’ve been putting it off for, like, years. Ever since I was seventeen.
My life is very ordinary. Mum and Dad have normal jobs, we live in a normal house, on a normal street, in a normal suburb. Sometimes, because everything is so normal, I could scream. I wish I could break out, but when faced with something outside my normal life, I avoid it. If only I could be like some of my friends; they have no problem trying new things. They, like, just get on with it, even if it doesn’t work out, and bounce back to try the next new thing.
I was the last kid to get a bike, the last kid to get a mobile phone, the last kid to get a Facebook account. Don’t get me wrong, Mum and Dad really are good to me. They’d buy me anything I wanted for my birthday or Christmas. No, it’s me, you see. Why does everything have to keep changing? I just get used to something and it either updates to bigger and better, or the next new thing comes along to replace the old thing.
I tell everyone I’m saving the planet; like, keep using the old one ‘til it breaks? Either that or I tell them I just don’t need it, whatever it is. Even my clothes are out of date. It’s so difficult to choose new ones, I’d rather not bother. It’s hard enough deciding which pair of knickers to put on each morning. This is where Mum comes into her own. She watches fashion for my age group and buys me clothes as presents. She knows what works on me, so that makes it easier.
It’s worse with major decisions, like exams, career paths, college, uni. Although, choosing a Uni was the easiest decision I’ve ever made. I chose the one in my home city. That way, I could continue living at home and avoided a multitude of decisions. Most of my friends were delighted at the opportunity to go to a new city for three years, experience new things and make new friends. Not me, I was happy with the status quo. The trouble was, when they left, I was left with no friends, except for two who hadn’t gone to Uni and started work.
I’m getting used to this new life. I’ve actually made a few new friends at Uni. They all live in the halls on campus, so I don’t see much of them at weekends. The Uni is based in the City Centre and I live in the suburbs, so I see my remaining school friends at the weekend. We tend to socialise locally as, like, none of us have much money to splash around. No job pays well for us youngsters these days.
So, this big decision I’ve been putting off? Dad asked me again last week: would you like a car for your birthday? Oh, I know, most kids would jump at the chance, but then I’m not most kids. I get the jitters just thinking about it all. Learn the Highway Code, learn to drive, take the written exam and then the dreaded test. I get nervous when I’m asked a question in the classroom. I know I’ll be hopeless in a car. Last year, Dad took me to an empty car park and tried to teach me to drive. It was a disaster! He hasn’t offered since.
Even if I get past that major hurdle, there’s the prospect of choosing a car – what make, which model. Then there’s getting insurance and tax. Where would I go for repairs and an MOT? I’d even struggle over where to buy my petrol. Which supermarket offers the best deal – price or loyalty scheme? Should I use a supermarket? It’s been said that their fuel is dirtier than buying from the oil companies. Even they offer loyalty schemes to suck you in. As for tyres, that’s another minefield. It’s exhausting, if you’ll excuse the pun.
I’m on my way in for the final week of the first year. I’m looking forward to the first lecture. Not only is it an interesting subject, but there’s this lad, Greg, who I met last week. I’ve seen him around, always happy and, like, really popular. We had lunch together and, well, we just clicked, at least I hope we did, ‘cos something clicked in me! As I walk into the lecture room, I spot him and he smiles at me, but he’s already flanked by two of his friends. I smile back, then go sit next to Rosie, a few rows away, feeling deflated.
After the lecture, I hang around for a minute, sorting out my papers and Greg walks over. My brain turns to mush.
‘Hi Masie, how’re you?’
He sits, I fumble.
‘Great. Did you have a good weekend?’
‘Yeah. Friday night was a blast. We went to Owens Park. It was brilliant. You should have joined us; you’d have loved it.’
‘I know; Rosie asked me to go, but I can’t get home from there.’
‘Couldn’t your parents pick you up?’
‘It wouldn’t be fair; Owens Park is on the other side of the city from us.’
This isn’t going well; I must be positive.
‘Look, I want to have a word with you about something, but I’ve got to dash to my next lecture. Can we meet up for lunch? Same table as last week?’
‘Sure, see you about half twelve?’
‘Brilliant,’ he says and grins.
I grin back and the grin is still there, five minutes later when I walk into my next lecture. I know I’m, like, looking stupid, but I can’t help it.
At lunchtime, when I arrive in the food hall, someone else is sat at ‘our’ table, and my heart sinks, so I go to the servery and see Greg at the head of the queue, selecting his lunch. Suddenly, I feel better, but then panic sets in. What if he doesn’t see me? It gets so busy in here. I watch him like a hawk. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turns round and immediately focuses on me and waves. I wave back. After he pays, he walks over.
‘Someone’s sat at our table, I’ll get the nearest one to it and see you there. Okay?’
‘Great. See you in a few minutes,’ I say, with that stupid grin back on my face.
He said, ‘Our table!’ No, calm down Masie, it doesn’t mean anything. How else could he have described it? He could have said, ‘The table we were going to use.’ No, it’s nothing. Focus girl, get your food.
When I walk over, he’s looking for me and waves. I join him and we tuck into our food. He’d already started his, so he finishes before me.
‘Look, I know this is short notice and, like, I’ve only known you for, like, five minutes, but you were the one I wanted to ask and the others were fine about it.’
He sounds nervous, but by now I’m almost wetting myself. I can’t talk as I’m eating, so all I can do is listen and make sure I don’t choke.
‘There’s six of us and we’re renting this self-catering place in Newquay for two weeks in August. Thing is, one of the girls has dropped out. I don’t know her, she’s Ryan’s friend, and, well, I was wondering if you’d like to join me, err, us that is? You’d be sharing with one of the girls. What do you think?’
I gulp down my food and say, ‘Yes.’ Then panic. You just said, ‘Yes!’ Are you mad? I look at him and the panic subsides.
‘That’s brilliant, really,’ he says and takes my hand.
Our eyes meet and I’m lost. My heart’s beating fit to burst.
‘Oh, my God,’ he says, ‘this is going to be so great, but I’ve not told you the dates, or how we get there, or anything.’
I get my notepad out and Greg spends the next twenty minutes telling me everything about the trip. The dates are fine, not that I had anything else planned. I know one of the girls and we’ll share. We travel by train, booked weeks ago to get the cheap deals. All I have to do is tip up the cash for my share of the rent and the train ticket, so they can give the other girl her money back.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ he says, ‘it’s too busy.’
We go for a walk round the campus and pause to lean on the fence around the lake, under the weeping willow. That’s when we have our first kiss.
* * *
‘Hi Mum, Dad, I’m back.’
I walk into the lounge. Mum gets up and turns to see me. Dad comes out of his study. They both stop dead in their tracks. I suddenly realise why. I have a great suntan; I’m wearing a completely new wardrobe and I’ve got a new hairstyle.
Mum is first to react, ‘Masie, it’s so good to see you, but I hardly recognise you. Look at you. Is this the same girl I last saw two weeks ago?’
I smile and say, ‘Yep. What do you reckon, Dad?’ I give him a twirl.
‘You look great, darling. I assume you had a good time?’
‘Brilliant. It was really cool. We went abseiling, I jumped off a waterfall and I’ve learned how to surf.’
‘What? Really? I’m amazed,’ he replied.
‘Come and sit down,’ Mum said, ‘I’ll make us some tea while you tell us all about it.’
‘Thanks, Mum. The biggest thing that happened is that I’ve got a boyfriend. His name is Greg and he’s gorgeous. By the way, Dad, before I forget; I’d like to have that car if it’s still on offer.’
I smiled at them. My life of avoidance is over.
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