Mabel by Kirsty Gill

3 September 2020 { Reminiscence }

The way Mabel looks at life

Look back and get experience

Look forward and see hope

Look around and find reality

Look within and find yourself

Mabel accepts old age with serenity and grace. She is so glad that she is no longer the shy and awkward teenager she once was – afraid of her own shadow, never able to express her own opinion in case it might conflict with someone else’s. She sits in the nursing home and reminisces about her life. She does have a few regrets but they become fewer as the years go by. She is now gentler with herself, more forgiving. She wishes she had been so in her younger years. Our inner critic is much harsher than the one we use to judge others. We would neve talk so negatively to our friends, yet feel free to give ourselves a hard time. Mabel has learnt this the hard way as most of us do.

the number of years she has left on this planet is undoubtedly smaller than the number of years she has already spent here, Mabel looks to the future with confidence and hope. She is amazed at the number of changes, mainly technological, that she has witnessed in her own lifetime. She often wonders what life will look like for her granddaughter by the time she, Willow, reaches the grand old age of 99. Mabel herself has just entered her 100th year. She has every confidence that Willow will reach this ripe old age too – maybe she will surpass 100 years – it is perfectly possible. Possible yes, but desirable perhaps not? The vast majority of Mabel’s friends of her own generation have pre-deceased her. She misses them. The younger ones are good company but there is something special about the bond you share with people who have been your contemporaries throughout this journey called life.

Looking around the lounge, Mabel sizes up her fellow residents. They are mostly female. It goes with the territory. Women do tend, on average to live longer than men. Her own husband, Albert, died more than thirty years ago, not long after retiring. She did feel slightly bitter that he put in all those years at the insurance company, providing for them both and their future and then dropped dead (as so many unfortunately used to do) before he had really had the chance to start enjoying his retirement and the fruits of his labour. It was a life insurance company too, the irony often causes her to give a wry smile!

She and Albert had made so many plans for their future together. These plans were not to be fulfilled. There was one thing that Mabel was grateful for, however. They had decluttered and downsized shortly before Albert had retired. They had moved from the big family home, which was so expensive to heat and exhausting to keep on top of, into a sweet little cottage within easy walking distance of the village. They had planned to live out the remainder of their days together there. They had also planned to use the money they had made from the sale of the family home to visit their daughter in South Africa and go on more daytrips and weekend breaks to explore more of the UK and Europe.

Mabel did travel more in her 60s and 70s but she did so alone. She viewed their move to the cottage as Albert’s parting gift to her. At least she did not have to do all that decluttering and cope with the house move and all the stress that that involves on her own. He died of a sudden heart attack just before Christmas. The cottage and the necklace which she found wrapped and ready for Christmas in his sock drawer after his death, were his final presents to her.

Theirs had been a long and happy marriage. They had been childhood sweethearts, friends first, for a long time, before they became lovers. They had courted in the old-fashioned way which had meant they had really got to know each other and each other’s families before they got married. They were soulmates, She had never envisioned life without him. Yet here she was 99 years of age, having survived her husband by more than 30 years.

Mabel had considered remarrying more than once. She had not been without admirers and she had many longstanding friends, both male and female. Some had tried to fix her up with supposedly eligible men but it was not to be. None of them quite matched up to her Albert. She grew used to living alone and to her own company and had really enjoyed three trips to South Africa to visit Sarah and Jack and her beloved granddaughter, Willow.

Mabel herself had recognised that she was no longer able to look after herself the way she had done when she was younger once she reached the age of 95. She knew that her memory was getting worse and that it was time she allowed others to care for her. Fortunately she had foreseen the possible need for residential care for herself in her old age and had made financial provision for it with help and advice from her daughter and son-in-law.

Mabel enjoys the company of some of the other residents who are able to converse and is grateful for the energy and commitment of the young care staff. She enjoys spending time in the lounge but is also so thankful to have her own comfortable and warm room to retire to whenever she wants to and she no longer has to worry about shopping, cleaning or cooking.

Best of all, Jack’s company has transferred him back to the UK which means that he, Sarah and Willow are at long last in the same country, if not the same town and they come to visit at least once a month, sometimes more often.

Now that Mabel does not have to worry about the day to day business of looking after herself and running the house, she has more time to listen to music. She has always loved music. She worked in radio production as a young woman. She has always loved reading too and has had a few poems and short stories published in her time. Sadly she cannot concentrate to read much now due to her memory problems.

Music is her greatest pleasure now – Mabel loves all sorts of different kinds of music, She likes just about every genre though Country is not a favourite. She can listen on those marvellous new headphones (which really are high quality!) either in her room or in the lounge, without disturbing anybody else.

Mabel marvels at the improvement in the quality of recordings that are available nowadays. As a child she listened to what were then called gramophones. Then there were cassette tapes. CDS, (which were considered very innovative at the time), followed.- They signalled the beginning of digital sound recording. Something called MP3s had then become available and that is about as much as Mabel has been able to keep up with.

Now there are all sorts of different ways of listening to music on various different apps, live-streaming etc. Mabel has no idea how it all works but as long as it sounds good she is delighted to listen and choses her music according to her mood. She has quite an eclectic taste ranging from classical to reggae and ska but is no more a fan of opera than of Country.

Life is what you make it, Mabel believes. It is a dreadful cliché but time really does fly. When you are young you don’t really believe that you will ever get old but when it does happen, and oh so much quicker than you think it will – it is not so bad. Every stage of life is to be enjoyed. No one time of life is better than another. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. The sweet innocence of youth can be tainted with ignorance which can lead to silly mistakes being made. The infirmity of old age can be alleviated by wisdom and experience gained.

Mabel loves to live in the moment and be grateful for each new day. The bitterness she once felt because of Albert’s relatively early death has now gone and she simply treasures in her heart the special time they did have together, recognising that not everybody is lucky enough to meet their soulmate.

Mabel is my friend and I am proud of her and the way she looks at life. She inspires me to think like her.

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