Find Me by Kirsty Gill
29 November 2022 { Creative Non-fiction }
You won’t have any difficulty in finding me. I’m by no means timid or small. I like to creep up on you and make my presence felt everywhere I go. I can bring you to an abrupt halt and freeze you to the spot. I am often to be found lurking at the back of your mind as you go through your day. I can keep you awake at night too.
I sit with you all the way through those anxious times in waiting rooms. I am with the parent who’s heard nothing from a son or daughter, (child or adult), - even though it only five minutes later than they expected a call). I am at the crossing of a busy road where there is no obvious safe place to do so Do not underestimate me. I am important. I can sometimes even be useful. I might just help you to avoid danger by making you walk further on to that pedestrian crossing, for example. But don’t allow me to overtake your life. There are other times when I’m of no use whatsoever as I can’t change the outcome of a situation and only make you feel bad as you anticipate it. Sometimes I simply don’t need to vex you at all and sometimes you pay me far too much attention.
My name is Fear. You don’t need to look for me. I’ll find you. If you can, use me to your advantage, perhaps to sharpen your performance before you go onstage, make a speech or go to that dreaded job interview. But then let me go. I’ll soon find another soul to vex.
I really must tell you that I have much more attractive twin sisters although they are, perhaps, more elusive than me. Let me tell you about them.
One is in the sparkling of sunlight on rippling water. She is in a gentle summer breeze. She is in that moment of crispness when you bite into a fresh apple or when you catch the familiar refrain of a favourite song which reignites a precious memory. She can be fleeting but she makes you smile. She can bring you happiness and sometimes, longer-lasting contentment. Do not underestimate her. She is important. Her name is Joy. She brings fun and laughter. She can make life feel worth living. She is somewhere to be found round about you each and every day though sometimes you might miss her. Sometimes you have good reason to. There are, of course, times when you’re circumstances simply overwhelm you. Sometimes you’re just too busy dwelling on your problems or looking for something to worry about. Seek Joy and you will find her when you look hard enough - always.
Whatever’s going on in your life, she can be with you even if just fleetingly. She can comfort you when you are in a sad place. She will uplift you even further when you are happy. Her twin sister is Peace and she too can be found in simple pleasures but when you really get to know her she can stay with you for longer than her sister’s brief but happy moments.
Peace can stay with you. She will remind you not to make mountains out of molehills. She will help you to see things as they really are – and to dissolve away those problems which simply don’t exist. And even in the midst of war or woes she can reassure you that, ultimately, all will be well.
She can demolish the discontent that is whipped up in you deliberately, to make you want to buy more things. She can show you how little you really need. You already know that you can’t take anything with you when your time on this earth is up. So why pile things up? And why keep your favourite, precious things for best? When will best be? Surely it is now. And it’s always possible to find Peace in the present. Even when life is difficult. Even in times of conflict. Even when it is easier to find something or indeed more than one thing to worry about, it is always possible just to take a deep breath and feel the presence of Peace.
Most days bring an opportunity to find at least one of my twin sisters – Peace and Joy, for yourself. Easier said than done, I hear you say and you would be right.
I, Fear, am always in your face. I seize every opportunity to grip hold of you and hang onto you for dear life. My sisters are gentler souls. They don’t force themselves upon you. Sometimes Joy will tap you gently on the shoulder reminding you to look for her in the beauty of a fresh, sweet-smelling flower or the newness of a just-born lamb. Sometimes she just waits patiently for you to notice her in the dew on fresh-mown grass or the simple song of a single bird which you have to be really quiet in order to hear.
Peace is patient too. She always waits for you to feel her presence. Sometimes she will be prompted in you by the words of a friend or even those of a kind stranger. But somehow she always knows when you need her most. She understands your sorrow at death of a loved one and waits to comfort you when you are ready to welcome her.
I have to say that, for all my bravado, my gentle sisters, Joy and Peace are far stronger than me, Fear.
You humans seem to let me grab a foothold in your lives so much more easily than you let my dear sisters in. But I’ll let you into a little secret - they have both overcome me on so many occasions!. Remember that. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily, and I do have my uses, but I urge you to look for Joy and Peace and you will find them too!.
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